song of the blue whale heart
my heart a huge blue whale in my chest,
taking over my whole body
its tail full of cuts and battle scars,
its deep, dark blue glimmering
under the sun
it thrusts in the waters of my insides
every chance it gets
with every new image of beauty
and every fleeting look from my beloved
in hidden meanings,
secret signs of love confessed,
its jaws open, swallowing doubt
not just inside but all around—
clearing my periphery of uncertainty
ready to swim deeper and deeper in love
after every disappointment
in search of new meanings,
in search of the fresh krill that flutters
in my stomach when he looks at me
its loud song leading me through life,
vibrating through every atom
from my gut to my aura
as i walk beside you,
too shy to hold your hand just yet,
the small of my back burning like coal,
forbidden for your hands to touch
but glowing with a shine so bright,
drawing you in
like a moth to my garden night lamp
you feel the whale’s song bursting
through my reserved words,
in poems i make you read by mistake—
her voice pulls you in, like a siren’s spell
to both our deaths
oh my heart, haven’t you yet learned?
that whales cannot walk on land
they have to drown and dwell
in the dark depths
again and again
just to earn a breath,
just to glimpse a slice of land
your hands, untouchable joys—
that big things cannot reach
that can only be found in the little things
in the safety of the goldfish’s fishbowl
and my heart is the wild blue whale
my heart, ready to breathe out
and let itself go
at the sight of every sunset
and the way stars glow
at the first smell of wildflowers,
it swims faster and twirls
in and out of water in tiny pirouettes
my heart, the ancient romantic of the sea,
swims stoically in the unassuming, calm
waters of happiness
and lets itself float when met with
the massive waves that take its hope away
my heart, in the dark and the light
it changes shape and yet remains the same
in the warmth of the summer
and of love, it thinks it found its resting place
and in the cold of the wintering hurt,
it dies only to come alive again,
a bluer version of itself,
more familiar with compassion
keeping the earth and the body alive
since its very first day
navigating the currents of dreams
my heart, the biggest animal
and still not big enough to contain
the exuberant feeling of a little life
my heart always comes up for air
sinking into memory
my heart
a cream-colored fluffy teddy bear
wearing a red knitted sweater,
his hands crooked,
smooshed from holding mine
two decades now
my heart
a long white dress
reminding me that where i come from,
daughters have dressed like this for millennia
letting me breathe in ancient grace
my heart
a seashell found by mistake—
sitting at the beach,
thinking how nice it’d be to have you
looking down, only to see
you’ve already met my fingers
my heart
a small rock in your hand
you’re trying to give back to me
a gift from the driveway of your childhood home—
you remember it being touched
by the hand of a father
who is no longer here
my heart
a winnie the pooh plastic plate
flown across europe in a cardboard box—
an effort to desperately hold onto the days
when you could still put food in front of me
on the table
my heart
all its trinkets now locked in a treasure box
thrown into the depths of the ocean
off of a tiny boat
to sink or float
in the eternal blue of memory
My heart’s mermaid heart
in the depths of the ocean,
i feel the water kiss my smooth skin
the weight of my body
held by no other than my mother, the sea
it is a heavy burden, to be the largest to have ever lived;
it comes with the unbearable company of wisdom and ache.
the song of my beloved echoes in my ears
as i swim and sink further into the depths,
letting the darkness swallow me whole
i breathe in the salt,
opening my mouth wide, and
swallow the whole world—
fish and seaweed and tiny krill,
all their feelings and thoughts live now through me
i hold my breath;
i thank the earth—
i couldn’t digest all this without her help.
faster now, i travel up,
the sunrays calling my name,
my throat burning to let it all out
i scream under my breath,
air and water performing
their fountain dance over my head
the mermaid in my chest
twirls in the place where my heart should be,
gifting me grace and love
she dances to the sound of my song,
so loud you can hear it all around,
so loud it vibrates through your body,
shaking loose your fear
oh, to be free and blue,
like me, like you once were—
when the water called you back,
the depths whispered secrets
only your heart could unlock,
learning the magic only the chosen could work.
This is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read 🥺 what beautiful imagery
The third describes my own experience. Thank you!